Contradiction And Surrender
There are times when I am ridiculously idealistic, and others when I refuse anything but pragmatism. It seems so contradictory in observance, but no less when compared to the standard perspective I recognize myself as having, one that in many ways doesn’t make it an absolute priority to remove supposedly contradictory ideas or feelings from my belief system. Speaking of feelings, I suppose it is most often that its our feelings that make us feel contradictory. Just today, this guy left a comment on a previous post saying “all i want in life is to agree with myself”. I think thats how we feel a lot of times- as though everything within us contradicts what we thought we knew. Our journeys through life give us new perspectives that may or may not be congruent with our prior vision of the world.
I feel as though I have discovered release from at least some of that frustration. This comes not from a tightening of the demands I place on my own understandings, but rather a remembering how foggy this world is. This world is like looking through a lens that is scratched, fogged, unfocused, and sometimes even pointed in the wrong direction. But I can find peace in that, because I can find peace in Grace. I can find peace in the small pieces of the puzzle I find daily or the glimpses of truth that remind me of the beauty and the depravity to which I cling.
Maybe our purpose in life isn’t to have it all figured out.
Maybe our purpose in life isn’t suppose to be free of contradiction.
What is poetry without irony?
What is beauty without contrast?
What is life without death?
What if the full culmination of this surrender comes naturally when the right circumstances are at hand, when all the while we’ve been trying to force it into a broken humanity and a misled culture?